(no subject)

[nerdvamp]

Simon Here, leave a message if you have to. If not please use texting like a normal person.

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voicemail at 2:37 AM

[gingerbiscuits]

Um--hi Simon, it's Clary. I just called your mailbox directly because you're probably asleep, or trying to sleep so--I didn't wanna bother you.

[ There's a brief, pregnant pause. ]

And... I guess I'm just not sure if it's smart to talk to you, or if you want to talk to me right now. So this is probably the safest bet. So, um...

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean for--well, for any of that to happen. I really didn't want to cry in front of you like that, that was super unfair. So... I'm just really sorry.

[ Sigh, another anxious pause. ]

Also--I talked Jace down from wanting to kill you. I think. He also didn't kill me, which is nice. But everything's out in the open now. I just... thought you should know.

I'll--see you around? Bye.

[nerdvamp]

[ He wasn't asleep actually, he'd been up and around the city since dawn, just trying to get his mind off things, which was obviously not working.

Clary's message was more or less what he expected, reiterating that what had happened was indeed a mistake, Jace wanting to kill him and Clary obviously trying to burden the blame by herself.

So he called her once, hung up before she could pick up and dialed straight to her voicemail. Maybe she was with Jace right now.]

Hey, uh-- I'm actually not sleeping, haven't been sleeping since what happened this morning.

Don't be sorry, I-- we were both involved in making that decision. I can't let you carry all the blame for it.

[ he took a deep breath and there was about a ten second pause drowned by the sounds of the city. ]

I still don't think it was a mistake, Clary.

But I understand if you think it was and if you still... Want to work things out with Jace I get it, I really do.

I'll be here if you need me.

See you around, Fray.

[gingerbiscuits]

[ Clary missed Simon's call by a few minutes--she'd been washing the ichor out of her hair from the night's demon killings. She cursed quietly and swiped the notification, taking a moment to listen to the voicemail.

She sighed. The last thing she had wanted was to make Simon feel like any of this was really his fault. He would never see it her way, but it had been more of her responsibility to put the brakes on their--their tryst before it got out of hand.

Clary sat on her bed, combing her fingers through her wet hair, and dialed Simon back, letting it ring this time. ]

[nerdvamp]

[ Simon had wondered enough to finally feel tired, he sat at the very edge of one of his favorite skyscrapers. Dangling his legs and trying to wish the anxiety away. Not very successfully.

His phone rang and the picture of Clary lit up his phone screen. Did she really want to talk to him now? Maybe she was trying to leave another message.

Regardless, he hesitated for a few seconds and picked up. ]

Hey.

[gingerbiscuits]

Hi, sorry, I was in the shower when you called.

[ She sighed, glancing over to make sure her door was shut. She pinned her phone between her head and shoulder so she could braid her hair over her shoulder while she talked. ]

Simon, I--look, making love with you wasn't the mistake. Taking advantage of you when you were feeling vulnerable was. Betraying Jace's trust was.

[ Thankfully, Clary had already cried herself out with Jace. Crying now would most certainly be a mistake.

She lay back on her mattress, staring up at her ceiling. ]

I just... was really selfish. I didn't think about anyone.

[nerdvamp]

[ Simon knew how messed up he was for finding comfort in hearing Clary say it. He felt a terrible pressure in his chest slowly unwinding.

Timing, however, that was their mistake.

He stared down past his feet into the streets, the height was... Terrifying. ]

You didn't take advantage of me, Fray. You know how I feel about you. It's not about me being lonely or sad. It never was like that. I wanted it too, just as much.

[ he stopped and sighed, why couldn't they ever just find eachother at the right time.]

But I get it.

[ he hoped that Jace blamed him completely for it, because that would just make things easier for Clary.]

How is he?

[gingerbiscuits]

He's devastated. Never saw it coming.

[ She paused, frowning up at her ceiling. Simon deserved to know everything. Everyone deserved to know anything that had to do with them. ]

He wants to make it work.

[ And truthfully, Clary was tempted. Jace was so much more good and loyal than she deserved--they loved each other. It should have been easy.

She dropped her voice to a whisper, though she didn't really think anyone was listening in on her. ]

I don't know if that's what I want.

[nerdvamp]

[ Simon found new respect for Jace, he valued Clary more than he valued his pride. Something Simon had never thought possible. Simon had failed Clary over something much more bending than that.

But he still wanted Clary. Even after every awful thing he's done.]

I'm sorry.

[ he couldn't sway Clary. He wouldn't. This was her choice to make. And it hurt to hear her so thorn.]

You know that no matter what you choose in the end, I'm with you all the way.

[gingerbiscuits]

I'm sorry, too.

[ Clary turned on her side, watching the back of her door.

Why did everything have to be so hard? Why couldn't she have good timing for once in her life?

She wiped the corners of her eyes and took a moment to make sure she didn't sound teary. ]

I love you so much. I'm just afraid if I wait for you again, you'll move on again.

[nerdvamp]

[ Simon wanted to reassure her that it would never happen. He could never move on from Clary, she was everything to him and no matter how many people Simon found himself attracted to, they couldn't compare.

And despite how much she tried to hide her sadness, it wasn't hard for Simon to notice, he was really hurting her.]

I can't move on from you, Clary. Don't you get it? I think I'm going to be in love with you forever, literally.

[gingerbiscuits]

[ Clary considered that for a moment. It felt true--she had a similar feeling. Like she and Simon were meant to be significant to each other, forever. She knew that was true regardless of what it looked like.

In an abstract way, she wondered how much of this was just them being eighteen and dumb and in love. Had that ever panned out well for anyone?

Her mom and Luke, she supposed. For a while. ]

I think you're the person I'm meant to be with.

[ She paused, trying to think on what exactly that meant to her. ]

So. I'll wait for you.

[nerdvamp]

[ Ever since Simon's perception of time had been severely altered by his new nature, he'd questioned everything. Would he still feel the same way about music in a hundred years? Would he still feel close to God? Anything could change with the course of time.

But he never even thought about questioning his feeling for Clary the same way. The thought alone made him sick.]

You're my person too.

[ he sighed deeply and thought about this morning again, he really couldn't walk away from her again. Not after this.

But it wasn't fair for her.]

But I also want you to be happy.

[gingerbiscuits]

[ Clary scrubbed her hand over her face and sat up again, looking at the clock on her bedside table. 3:03 AM.

She sighed, resting her elbows on her knees. ]

So then, what does that mean?

[nerdvamp]

[ Simon should really work on thinking before speaking. Thinking before anything really. ]

I just want you to be sure of what you choose.

[ after a pause, Simon couldn't help the small smile forming on his lips.]

But to tell you the truth I felt really happy when you said that.

[gingerbiscuits]

Simon--

[ She almost laughed, pushing her hand through her bangs.

Simon was crazy to think Clary wasn't sure. She knew what she wanted--she hadn't faltered except when forced to by the Seelie Queen. ]

I would have chosen you a hundred times by now. I'm telling you I'll wait for you.

[nerdvamp]

I really do love you, Clary.

[ Simon laughed, it was soft and almost too quiet, but he couldn't help himself at this point. To think it all started with a DreamWorks movie marathon. ]


Thank you. I promise things will be better from now on.

[gingerbiscuits]

[ Clary smiled in spite of herself. They'd always told each other they loved each other--but she'd never get tired of hearing it in the romantic context. ]

I really love you, too.

And... okay. I'll be here.

voicemail at 1:54 am

[gingerbiscuits]

Hey, it's Clary! Maybe you're sleeping, I guess--it's late. I'll call you again in the morning??

I just want to talk about--um--us! I know I rushed out on you after I got blood all over your pants--which I am still SO sorry about, by the way--but I just really don't plan on dragging anything out.

I don't want to waste time either.

So! Uhh call me back I guess if you're awake and if not that's fine and I'll just talk to you in the morning!

Okay? Okay, bye!

[nerdvamp]

[ Simon had just been trying to get blood off his pants for like the third time, was FINALLY getting somewhere but it required intensive scrubbing for about half hour.

He called Clary back but she didn't answer-- so Simon left a voicemail too. ]

Hey-- I'm awake I was just trying to clean up the blood and it's been uuuh, fun for the most part. Did you know vinegar helps take blood off fabric? Something useful out of Yahoo answers.

Anyways, um. I'm here and I'm awake-- so... Call me? Text me? Come by? Or we can talk tomorrow. In any case I'll be here surfing the internet trying to find the true ways of stain removal. And relax, it was an accident and it was worth it. Don't worry about it.

[gingerbiscuits]

[ Clary's phone had, of course, been out of range just in time for Simon's call. But, after listening to the message, she stuffed a gift into her bag and swung it over her shoulder. ]

brt!!! see you in a few💕💕💕

[ And she took off, creeping through the back halls of the Institute.

Jace was still up and about, prowling the training room and working out his feelings. It weighed on Clary to see him that way--but she'd made promises to Simon. Promises she intended to keep if he gave her the opportunity.

For now, it was best to give Jace his space. Alec would inevitably come lecture her soon, too.

But--all that in its time.

Running past the darkened Jade Wolf, Clary took a second to re-compose herself and neaten her hair before stepping up to the canoe shack door and knocking. ]

Simon?

[nerdvamp]

[ Simon was knee deep in a drycleaning blog when he heard the door. He stood up immediately, his pants were still soaking in a tub with a bunch of ingredients and he was supposed to leave it that way for another forthy five minutes.

He rushed to open the door and found Clary, with her hair up and cheeks flushed like she'd been in a rush. She was so pretty it made Simon forget all about blood pants.]

That was really fast, even for you.

[ he stepped aside to make room for her to come in. ]

[gingerbiscuits]

[ Clary grinned at the sight of Simon and threw her arms around his neck, pressing her lips full against his cheek.

There was a lot to be feeling right now--but she appreciated the undiluted excitement Simon inspired in her now.

She pulled him with her into the room and let go of him, swinging her backpack around and rifling through it. ]

Honestly, I just--getting out seemed like a great idea right now. I had a conversation with Jace... but, listen, first-- I've been portaling. I mean, not here, but--

[ She pulled out a folded set of pants--as close as she remembered to Simon's ruined ones--and held them up in offering. ]

I know your Bubbie gave you those pants and I honestly just need to fix something tonight so--will you accept these?? They're from Melbourne!

[nerdvamp]

[ Simon looked puzzled at first but when he caught up his face broke into a smile, it was just like Clary to be upset about the pants situation, more than Simon himself.

Simon reached and grabbed the pants that looked almost exactly like his, everything from size to the shape of the buttons, it was nothing short of amazing. ]


You're brilliant, Fray. [ he set the pants aside and turned to face Clary. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and finally hugged her like he'd been wanting to all day. ]

Hey-- Thank you.

[gingerbiscuits]

[ Clary pressed close into Simon and wrapped her arms around his middle, burying her face in his chest. She needed a hug right now, actually, and she'd been dying for a hug from Simon for ages anyway.

She kept her arms around him but pulled back enough to look up at his face after a moment. ]

You're welcome. It was literally the least I could do!

[ She smiled, squeezing him tight again, and leaned her weight against him. ]

Sorry to drop in on you at this hour, though. You don't have class in the morning, do you? Should you be sleeping??

[nerdvamp]

I don't care about that right now, I know it sounds bad but it's the truth.

[ he leaned in until their foreheads touched and he couldn't stop smiling. And yes, Simon should be thinking about school because he was always behind but, this was a special occasion.

He wasn't about to ditch time with Clary, no matter the reason.]

I'm just glad you're here now.

[ he leaned in and kissed her on the lips. ]

And I'm glad I don't have to tell Bubbie Helen her pants are ruined.

[gingerbiscuits]

[ Clary laughed and leaned up to press her lips against his again, stomach fluttering happily. ]

Simon, that's a horrible answer.

[ She let go of him to reach up and put her hands around his cheeks, pulling him in and kissing him again. She knew she shouldn't be egging on his being irresponsible, but also--

They were back here. And it was still new and exciting and... ]

But I'm glad I'm here too.
I didn't think this morning I'd be here in the middle of the night.

[nerdvamp]

I mean I'm still gonna go I just-- [ he tried to say between kisses. ] don't want you to leave.

[ He had been trying to keep up with his grades and was doing better, he was sure he'd get caught up in due time if he sat down and studied but tonight that was out of the question. ]

I mean, I was hoping you did.

[ was that too presumptuous of him?

He lowered his arms to circle Clary's waist and pulled her closer to him.

Eh, he could study tomorrow.]

[gingerbiscuits]

You better! [ She giggled against him, though, knowing herself to be too far gone to back away now. How could she? This was where she'd been dying to be for months now. ] I was gonna stay with Luke tonight--but...

[ She felt her face turning hot and she rested her hands on Simon's chest, looking up at him. ]

I don't want to leave. Just--we have to make some time to talk. Like--tomorrow! After class? Things got kind of--elevated at the Institute. Which is my fault, really but--I just don't want you to be without full knowledge.

[ Which had been part of their downfall last time. She tugged the lapels of his flannel gently and looked up at him uncertainly. ]

Does that sound okay?

[nerdvamp]

[ Simon pulled away to look at Clary in the eye, if things weren't okay wouldn't it be better to talk about it now? He could imagine Jace couldn't have possibly taken the news very well. ]

I'm sure Luke has to wake up mad early anyway.

[ all he wanted was to be with Clary right now. He still had like seven hours before he had to wake up for school (haha); they could make time to talk now. ]

Okay, now I have to know. What happened at the institute?

[gingerbiscuits]

I mean--it really can wait, it's not--there's just some context you're missing--

[ Clary winced. She knew it was unfair to bring it up in the first place and not talk about it--but there was a lot that had happened between her and Jace since Simon had broken up with her.

There was one big thing Simon didn't know.

It complicated a lot. Jace, for all that he was still the same Jace that loved Clary, was also a different Jace since he'd come back to life.

She sighed and brushed her fingers over Simon's face. ]

I just... expected Jace to be mad, but I didn't expect him to be so-- I don't know. I mean-- I'm fine, he didn't do anything to me.

I'm... I think something I did is making him--unpredictable.

[nerdvamp]

[ Simon expected many things, like Jace hating him forever and maybe not speaking to Clary for a while. What he didn't expect was Jace to actually turn aggressive which is what Simon was afraid might have happened.]

What do you mean? What did he do, Clary?

[ it didn't sound like Jace at all, really. He was usually too cool headed for that kind of behavior. But Simon couldn't say he knew the guy as well as Clary did.

He brushed her hair away from her face, waiting for her answer.]

[gingerbiscuits]

Don't freak--he didn't hurt me. It wasn't--that bad.

[ But he had lashed out, which left both of them alarmed. If there was one thing she knew about Jace, her Jace, it was that he'd never hurt her.

She couldn't try to find out where his head was at now--it was too late. Jace wouldn't want to talk to her now--and if he did, he certainly wouldn't want to talk about what was going on for him. She wasn't even sure what he'd say. ]

Simon--something happened to him back at Lake Lyn. I--I mean...

[ She took a deep breath and reached up, pressing Simon's hand against her cheek. ]

I mean, he died. Valentine killed him.

*usher voice* Dont play with me man

[nerdvamp]

[ Simon stood still, the first reaction that came to him was laughter-- there was no way Jace had died because by the time they were back he looked completely fine, a little distant if anything, which Simon assumed normal because of what they'd been through.

But now, well, Clary would never lie to him and she wouldn't joke about something like that. There was no choice for Simon but to take her word and he didn't really need a choice, he had come back from the dead too, hadn't he?

He looks at Clary and it's not possible to hide his concern.]

He's alive now--

[ unless Jace had suddenly become a downworlder, this was the only thing Simon could think of.]

It was the angel, wasn't it?

got a secret can ya keep it swear this one you'll save

[gingerbiscuits]

[ Clary waited for the realization to hit Simon and bit her lip when she saw the realization dawn on his face. She nodded and did her best to push down the wave of defensiveness that rose up in her--though it was hard to fight. ]

The mortal instruments were right there--Raziel was right there--I didn't know what else to do, I--

[ She stopped. No excuses. This was the second time she'd brought someone back without their consent--this was the second time it had had unforeseen consequences.

She wanted to be with Simon--that meant Simon needed to know the full extent of Jace's ties to Clary. And he needed to know that Jace wasn't in complete control of himself. ]

I think something went wrong. He just--seems out of control sometimes? I think it's important that you know... that. And what I did.

*the office clip* NO GOD PLEASE NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOO

[nerdvamp]

[ Simon was, obviously, speechless. He didn't know what to make of it all. First of all the fact that Clary had not only killed Valentine but had seen Jace die made him furious-- not that he could do anything about that anger now that Valentine was gone. But he couldn't compute so many things happening that night while he was basically doing nothing.

He held Clary's shoulders steady, trying to sound as calm as possible.]

Clary-- that doesn't sound safe. What is he doing, exactly? did he try to hurt anyone? is he okay?

[ the problem was that Simon didn't know a single thing about angels or the mortal instruments, he couldn't really study them now either. how was he supposed to find out what was wrong with Jace? How was he going to help Clary?]

[gingerbiscuits]

[ Clary squeezed Simon's wrists reassuringly and shook her head. Truthfully, she didn't know what the full extent of the danger was--but if Simon knew there was a level threat, that was enough for Clary to keep him safe from any potential fallout. ]

He's okay. Things almost got out of hand for a second, but he took space.

[ She looked up at him seriously for a second, squeezing his wrists again. ]

If anything happens, I'll keep you safe. I just didn't want you to be unaware.

[nerdvamp]

[ Simon didn't want to freak Clary out-- but it was hard to keep his cool because, he couldn't be with her always and because her and Jace shared a living space. He wasn't scared for her life per se but he knew that whatever was going on was enough for Clary to become protective of him. ]

Who's going to protect you? I really don't want you to get hurt Clary-- there must be something we can do.

[ right? maybe they could research it together, anything that didn't involve the Clave getting in the middle of things. Clary had had enough of a hard time with them already.

he leaned forward and kissed the top of her head.]

I want to help you.

[gingerbiscuits]

[ Clary leaned into Simon, winding her arms around his middle. It was always a relief to get something off her chest with Simon--even more so if he wasn't upset. He would have been in his right to be; Clary had made a very literally life changing decision for another person out of, well, fear of being without that person. It had been hard for Simon to swallow then, even if he had come to terms with it now. ]

I don't need to be protected. I'm just glad I'm here with you. I'm glad you're not upset.

[ She leaned up and kissed his cheek, then leaned her face against him. ]

I don't know what to do. But I know you'll help me figure out the right thing.

[nerdvamp]

I know you don't need to, but we're supposed to have each other's backs right?

[ it was just upsetting to think that Clary would try to burden all of this by herself. but it seemed that at the very least she was willing to accept Simon's help. He'd have to figure out a way to investigate this without raising any suspicion... but he had a few ideas.

he leaned his head against Clary's and sighed. At least, for now, things seemed to be under control. ]

You know I'll do anything to help. I love you, Fray.

[gingerbiscuits]

[ Clary nodded against Simon and squeezed him closer to her. She didn't have words for the gratitude she felt for him in that moment--he was right. They were supposed to have each other's backs, through thick and thin. Especially now. ]

I love you too, Simon. I'd do anything for you.

[ She pulled back enough to lean up on her toes and brushed her lips against his. ]

Thanks for always reminding me we're a team. I need you.

[nerdvamp]

We are, ride or die Fray.

[ he leaned in and kissed her fully on the lips, holding her by the waist and pressing her against him. ]

Just-- don't think about it for now, okay? We'll figure something out. Promise.